Existing after 50
Existing after 50
Existing
Friday, July 30, 2010
After looking back over my life after 50..It almost sad and depressing..yet there was periods of joy and excitement..I thought to myself what accomplishment have I achieve. I am not a middle class income women..I am not poverty level either..so where do I fit in..More depressing just writing this..Ok..grandkids a joy.Thats a improvement...Grown kids..love them dearly..Friends loving to come to me for advice or just to listen..I wonder why? Do they think I have this wonderful insightfulness..Wisdom beyond measure...Ugh???..Wonder do they know..I am human..with imperfection hidden from their eyes...Not by choice...Predestined to suffer in silence...Saddening delimina..Who will hear this woman cry after 50. Spiritual life..in a battle of flesh and spirit..so time consuming..so energy depleting..so confusing..Ugh..So incomplete. God help this woman over 50. I should have started a journal after 17..when I got married so young.and imaturely..Wow.I wasn't even in love..Just the thing to do get married and have kids..The American Dream..Sorta like a nightmare..Two Kids..Then Divorce..What????..Singleness..Who would have imagine this....Set back..couldn't seem to ever recover from that episode...Lovers, Friends..couldn't tell the different..S.T.O.P..this is not a book you are writing but a blog alter ego..Gee thanks..for the wake call..Reality.Still Single..Call the bouquet at my daughter wedding..first one..I think..who can remember..but If it was..Why am I still Single...I even meet this friend..and Thought that this was profound husband sent by God..Wow..what a devastation. that was..Lonely and a man..don't mix..after 7 years of celibracy..What a utilmate..let down..in every way..Smile..Then I went through Spirtual depletion..I tried and convicted myself..no matter..how many times God forgave me I couldn't forgive myself..This really suck everytime I think I am heal..Ugh hear comes the battle again..Soul searching..at the momemet..Will I get over this 50 thing and finally find happines????..whatever that is..Smile.I'll get back with you let you..or Not.. Thanks Alter ego after 50
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Life atfer 50 does not have to be different then life at 17. You are who you want to be. For me I am often a teenager is total bliss. Single? No not really for female children of GOD you are married to God himself if you are not in blissful... wed with a nagging, cry baby man. Blessed with grown children and grandchildren is more then some lonely woman can say. Friends are the family you pick for yourself.... often they are more enjoyable then the family ties of DNA. Because you refuse to let down your hair and knock down the safety wall or just not settle for the man with no pot and a window to throw it out of is the reason you feel alone without long term marriage. My friend aging is a priveledge... while we are no longer spring chickens we are wise owls. For age brings wisdom through life expierence. Now go enjoy life..... remeber you are smart, you are beautiful, you are full of grace and yes you can have what you want when you want it.... the secret- you just gotta go for it!See More
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